All Hail the Pretzel King!

Hey Pretzel King Fans! The latest medical news:

I went for a swallow test today with Barium. It was a weird experience. I sat in front of a screen while the Speech/Language Pathologist had meet eat or drink various things. Started with a slightly thick water. Did a thicker and then thicker liquid. Many swallows of each. All tasted weird. Then a small piece of a canned peach. Had to grind it down to a puree. The interesting part was watching the video playback of the whole thing. It looked like my skull from the side with glasses on the front. Then I watched as I drank and swallowed. I could see the esophagus, my trachea, and the epiglottis. I saw up close how some stuff went down the windpipe, but coughed it out. All in all, kinda cool, but I can’t recommend.

The therapist told me that the scan did not show any structural damage, just swelling that would go down in time. She believes continued therapy, and doing my exercises at home, I would eventually be able to function normally. Taste might take many more months. But for awhile, maybe permanently, I may have to drink from a straw and only take very small bites of soft foods.

They cancelled the second thing I was scheduled for- an esophogram. Said they knew I would choke on the things I had to eat.

I am scheduled to meet with my Speech Language person on the 9th, and every other Thursday in May.

So, what’s next, you are dying to ask?

I go for my PET scan- this is the one where we find ut if the cancer is gone-on May 20th. The next day I meet with ENT Oncologist, the the 23rd I meet with my GP and the Radiology Oncologist (and therapy). By coincidence, I am scheduled to serve on a federal grand jury that week and next. I am an alternate, and they know I have these appointments, so I’m not worried.

In Pretzel news: Stacey continues to work mad hours- over 100 last week. And we don’t pay her for much more than half. Our twin employees are still doing well. Ben’s still treats us like crap (being a top 3 franchise every month are far as increased revenue is apparently not important). We do NOT recommend being a franchise owner. We hear the other owners feel the same way.

We met with our attorney today (twice) to investigate what legal action we might take with the accountant who stole from us, and/or Square who gave out the loan with no due diligence and still insists we pay it back despite knowing it was taken fraudulently. After much discussion, it appears our best route is to take both of them to small claims court. Our attorney is 99.9% sure we wont get a penny, but at a cost of about $100 we’re going to give it a go anyway. The lawyer we saw normally charges $250 an hour, but even after about 5 hours over two meetings, he drafted the complaint and gave us tons of advice for $150. Again, worth the try.

Our BEST option by far is to seek a buyer for the store/franchise. The value should be much higher than we paid for it. If anybody knows somebody who loves pretzels…

Hey there readers! It’s been a minute since I wrote. Last week was a roller coaster ride, as I had to re-enter the local hospital on Sunday to have my feeding tube re-inserted. First I had to wait until the next day for surgery, then, when they were unsuccessful, I had to wait another day to be transferred to a different hospital for a specialist to try to reinsert a feeding tube. That one worked, and I am able to use it to “eat” everyday. Now some of you may be asking- why not just chow down on your favorite foods?

A little difficult to explain, but basically a combination of no sense of taste, and an excess of phlegm in the back of my throat makes it almost impossible to choke down anything. And then it comes back up again. Yuck! I’m told these can take 4-6 months to recover. I will be doing my best to lose this tube ASAP, believe me. There are a host of foods, many sugar or grease based, that I am looking forward to enjoying. What would be your first meal if you had to wait 6 months for it?

Now I am really feeling pretty good otherwise. I have my “PhlegmSucker 3000” with me, but everything else is in good shape. I can do pretty much everything, although I get tired easily. I’ve been sitting on my butt so much the last few months, I have to rebuild my stamina. Luckily, the store is humming along without me. That’s good- we have a couple of young women (twins!) who are dependable and handle things pretty well. Plus, since my voice is still coming back slowly (very hoarse) I doubt my sales skills will be as helpful.

On a different note: am I crazy, or does having 24/7 news and sports really not helpful at all? When I was a kid (100 years ago) we had to wait until 6:00 p.m. for the news. Then some stations crept up with a 5:30 p.m., then a 5:00 p.m…but still, there was rarely anything happening that couldn’t wait until the evening news. 7:00 p.m. was for national and international news. And if there was something Really important, then they would break in to your show with a breaking news bulletin!

Sports, too, rarely had (or has) anything happening that couldn’t wait until later. I admit I find myself sometimes looking at sports headlines several times a day out of sheer boredom, but it’s entirely unnecessary! There is not that much to talk about! Baseball is still in spring training, basketball is okay but not in playoffs yet. Football had a free agency period, and now talks incessantly about the draft that is over 30 days away. Yawn. I suppose I could turn to 24/7 weather coverage, since that is such an exciting topic. Wow, it’s cold today.

I propose we scale all of these back to 30 mins. That’s my attention span, and interest in all of them. Of course, with my newly granted powers of dictator, I would eliminate most of the cable channels and cut the cost of subscribing to multiple streaming services. Somehow or other, when the cable people stopped taking $200 a month for basic services that included 100+ channels you never watched, now we add all the streaming we think we need to cost over $200 a month. Progress?

Signing off- I’ve gotta dump a cardboard container of high-calorie, high protein shake into my belly. You all take care, okay?

It’s 7:30 am here at Perrysburg Mercy Hospital. This is day 3- I came in Sunday since it seemed my feeding tube had been displaced. Kept overnight to have surgery yesterday. Unfortunately, that was unsuccessful in replacing the tube in the same track, and couldn’t find spot for new one. So another sleepless night here last night- can ANYONE sleep in a hospital without good drugs?

Now I wait- for the Interventional Radiologist. He/she only comes here on Thursday. They’re going to try to get him here, otherwise we take an ambulance ride to St Vincent’s. I’m praying it’ll be today either way.

I am, quite literally, starving to death. I’ve had no food for about a week. Is that good while recovering from cancer?

Very soon I can be cast in movies as “starving patient #1”. And our food bill has dramatically decreased the last few months, which is good since I haven’t earned any money basically since the new year? Anyone know if I qualify for SSI? How do I do that? I can’t sell plasma anymore.

Hopefully, my next post will have more humor and more good news. You can look forward to: “Feeding tube meals- does taste matter?” Later: “Let’s compare medical groups in Toledo” and “Toledo’s Hottest Nurses”. Stay tuned!

It’s a sunny day from my hospital window here in the great little town of Perrysburg! Another VERY long night, very little sleep, but I believe things are looking up. Pburg Mercy Hospital has been top- notch in their care of me. Great nurses, aides, doctors of various specialties, and quite a bit of attention. I’ve got cable tv, of course, internet via the phone, audiobooks, games, and a LOT of sleep to catch up on. Which means I’m bored-lol. Today is quieter than yesterday, but since I’m just waiting and wishing for two things- sokay.

Just need temp to stay below 100, and white blood cells up. Not too much to ask, right?

But what a day yesterday. At exactly the same time we were following the oncologists advice to come to the ER, Stacey’s dear Aunt Judy passed away semi- unexpectedly. And two catering orders came in…

Yep, it’s an all-out laugh riot here in Toledo.

I’m sooo sorry this post is not the chuckle-a-minute screed you’re used to from the king.

We are looking ahead however, and seeing brighter skies.

Buzz, Bill, Senor Wenceslas,

I promise that future posts will not just bum you out but entertain.

And this is what skin looks like when it is baked in the oven for ove

Today, dead friends of the Pretzel King, is a day to celebrate! Went through my last radiation treatment. I know I’m going to miss:

Burning my throat, front and back. “Don’t you love the smell of naplam in the morning?”. I have now been moved to level three burn unit salve. If it doesn’t get better soon, then they will dress the burned area with gauze and even specialer medicine. I go back to see the nurses 2 time each week until that is resolved.Right now pulling on/off a shirt is a question of SOFTness. And what shirt is okay to ruin the the medicine and dead skin caking on the collar.

I am ALSO not going to miss getting to lie perfectly still on a cold table for about 5 minutes every day. With this great halloween mask I got to take home! It was a fun game to see if hold in a cough, tickle, etc for the whole time while the lasers burned my throat inside and out.

Other super fun side effects that will I will miss:

quick weight loss *I’m below 247 lbs, first time in 2013. Cait wait to get fat again.

Not having to eat food through a problematic system like the mouth and throat. Teeth? Who needs ’em? I’ve got a whole in me pocket! (chest)

Tasting things- SUCH a bother! And if I remember correctly it all tastes like chicken, right?

The great news is I get to experience all of these things a while longer.

Today was my LAST RADIATION TREATMENT! AND WE THINK ALSO THE LAST CHEMO. So, for the mext 1-3 months, it’s up be me to recover.

Thanks for joining me on the ride,

Buzz

Bill

The Pretzel King

In the spirit of such happy postings…

I spend much of my time trying NOT to throw up. You know that funny tickle in the back of your mouth that warns you to get to a toilet REALLY soon?

I feel like that all the time.

(Vague reference to a Steven Wright joke of many years ago)

But one of my nurses today threw me a lifeline- there may be a suction machine not too dissimilar from the one at the dentist I can borrow! Yeah, no more PHLEM from the PhlemPeople of Phlemzia.

Here it is a Tueday. BIG day is Tuesday around the ol’ Pretzel King Palace. We start by ravaging my throat and upper body with x-rays. The skin now is pretty raw. We’ve graduated from Aquaphor to mele-something to a combo cocktail that includes a new third version of Lidocaine. For WHICH, by the way, there is a nationwide shortage. Then on to the oher side oft he clinic, where we hook up an IV. We start with hydration for 2 hours, then the CHEMO drugs for another hour.

Colby and Alexander cheerfully will report that sitting and waiting for their Dad for 3 hours is the Most Fun Ever. At least the sun is out.

The main health news is that after today, I have (hopefully) 5 more Radiation treatments and 1 more Chemo! Done by Tuesday next. Can’t wait to sleep again, eat food, etc. They caution me to be patient – it may take many more months to bring everything (!) back.

For any of my faithful in Toledo, remember we’re just 10 days away for Acoustics for Autism. Stacey and I will be selling beer tickets to help a grrrreat cause. Alexander will be selling beer too. This year, for the first time, Ben’s will be sponsoring a band (Skittlebots) to get some advertising in there too.

Ever heard of the 80s pop song, “I Love Candy”? The woman who sang the song as a teen, one-hit-wonder, found out in the last 10 years that she never knew ‘candy’ meant men. Well, think of something more appetizing, and you have a metaphor that represents the men that stick around for the long haul. The ones that do your laundry when the basket gets full and cook you dinner after a long day at work. Candy will leave after the one-night stand, but do you know what will stick around to make your breakfast in the morning? Look out for the new and improved, “I Love Pretzels”!

Happy V-Day to everyone except those who can eat chocolate today. V-Day is like Christmas for your sweet tooth, but not for yours truly whose sweet tooth has been pulled out completely. That doesn’t mean I still don’t think about strawberries as my family cruelly eats them around me.

Day 26 of treatment. Good day until late afternoon. Started feeling tired. Had to take medications almost continuously. Helped to have Alex here all day, Colby came in for a late dinner. Ready for bed at 9:30 pm. Ugh.

Political aside: everyone complains about politics. Incessantly. But I believe politics are like prostates. When you’re a kid, you have no idea they exist, and glad to be so. When you’re young adults, you hear older people talk about them and ignore the conversations. But soon, you realize that they are important. You need to pay attention to them. Because if left alone, they will go bad and have horrible consequences! Politics done.

On that cozy thought, hug the ones you love tonight! Happy Cupid day!

Congrats to any of you who got the reference!

I’m sorry I’ve been off my feed for the last few days. But with my son’s help, and my incredible sister Barbara, I’ve gotten through.

Barbara swooped in here on Sunday night, and proceeded to clean, organize, and fix everything she could get her hands on. My desk drawer is fixed, my kitchen better organized, refrigerator cleaned out Plus tons more!

More importantly, she kept my spirits up. She kept my doctors and nurses on their toes, and generally brought a BIG, HUGE, BRIGHT RAY of SUNSHINE into our lives here in Toledo.

Nevertheless, it must be pointed out that I was draggin’ a bit. When even liquid food comes back up, that’s not GOOD. I’ve got even more meds now, and today the tummy feels better. At least not that horrible feeling you have when you’ve had too much to drink, and your stomach tells you if you drink JUST one MORE thing to drink, you will regret it profoundly. Ever felt that one? I have felt like that for roughly 3 days, but today so far so good.

During this turbulent time digestively, our mixer at the store broke. A shaft, over 1 inch thick, simply sheered in half. With so much catering going out this week, poor Stacey (I say that a lot) had to borrow here mother’s KitchenAid to make dough. Not quite kneading by hand, but over 50% slower than normal. Barbara ALSO volunteered to make pretzels with Stacey until MIDNIGHT a few nights ago, just to try to keep up with demand.

In the midst of all this fun, I was able to get out for just a few hours to take money away from my “friends.” Poor guys! I was able to almost triple my stake while Alex didn’t win a single hand, Brian and Don were almost cleaned out, and Zach almost made his stake back. Buncha losers if you ask me. Meanwhile the girls were able to go out and party like it was 2009.

I will avoid politics this week, but I don’t promise I will always have enough amusing things to add without some topical comments. Doesn’t work for SNL, or the late night hosts, does it?

Anyone know a good lawyer who can practice business law in Ohio and Michigan? An a-hole, if you know what I mean? I promise my “special council” will only investigate matters of law, and won’t add 250 pages of personal observations (like Robert Hur) of the guy I’m suing.

Small update- Last two days have been better. But I miss my sis already. Brother coming soon?

Many of you may rejoice that the latest development from my treatment is that I have lost MOST of my voice! Okay, I’m being sarcastic of course. I don’t know how my voice sounds to others- it seems the sound of your own voice recorded is different than what they hear for most people. For me, it now sounds remarkably like “Froggy” from Our Gang/Little Rascals. I cannot even raise it much now, even though I have MORE reason than ever to Rant and Rave!?!? Otherwise, we feel ok. Tired all the time. Taking most of my food through a tube- except the scientifically formulated energy drinks that are supposed to keep me from losing weight (25 lbs and going!) because they haven’t been approved by my insurance with a company willing to deliver them.

At the store, Ben’s plods on. This is normally a slow time for pretzels all across the country, and this year is no different. While we love baking and selling a great pretzel, our POS partner Square continues to try to put us out of business. It may be time to fold up shop and do something else.

Alex continues to hang out at Casa Buzzell, acting as an aide-de-camp. His help and companionship is much, much appreciated.

Warning-politics

Orange Jesus continues on- there may be now way to stop him now. Many of his followers are now so deluded that the are not only willing to elect him dictator, they want to cancel the 22nd Amendment and let him stay for life. Yeah!

Does that mean Don. Jr inherits the throne when Apeman chokes on a Chicken McNugget? Or does the Narcissist-in-chief get to appoint his successor? In that scenario, I’d be pulling for Ivanka and Jared. Solid business foundation there. In the likely event that Orange Julius doesn’t get enough votes, I am sure his culties will be willing to start a new Civil War 2. Don’t laugh and think I am exaggerating- these folks are on camera. They get the same number of votes as everyone else. More, even, in some places. Rural voters have 2-3 times as much power in an electoral college as city dwellers. Politics over.

Congrats to the Lions for a great season. There is much to look forward to in the 2024 season.